will someone please shoot me already?
I hate my life. It’s empty and monotonous. I’m studying to become a bank employee and all I ever wanted to be was a film critic and/or a college professor. Yes, I am as frustrated as one can be. And it is my entire fault. I got to stop making decisions by myself.
Right now, I’m stuck and I got no available options. Well, actually I do. I can quit school and go back to 11th grade (have I mentioned I’m 18? I’m 18) and spend 3 more years studying and working my ass off in order to graduate from high school. I said 3 more years because there’s been a reformulation in our Education Programme.
I’ve successfully completed 10th grade but with this new programme, there have been changes in subjects so it’s like I failed two of them (since they weren’t available when I was in school) which means I’d have to attend two more classes and our System is so damn good that I am not even allowed to take them at the same time I’m trying to complete 11th grade. But wait! There’s more! I’m not a minor anymore, therefore I’m not forced to remain in school so logical conclusion is that if I want to study I must attend night time classes! How greater could this get? I can keep studying Banking Management and cut both my wrists in a short time notice or I can quit everything and start all over again – I don’t want to graduate from high school by the time I’m 21. It’s frustrating, it’s shameful and I really want to pursue a degree, and if I quit now it would only delay my Faculty entrance. Thing is, if I use logic, I should remain where I am but I get depressed very easily and suicidal as well. If I remain here, I’ll go mad. Seriously mad. There’s nothing I hate more than being forced to do something I loathe. It’s suffocating! I feel like a bird with no wings or like a lion in a cage (ya gotta love stupid metaphors...). There’s nothing I can do to make things better, and no matter where I turn to, I find I’m stuck and doomed to failure. I’ve been trying to hang on for two years now and I’m not sure I’ll make it through another year. “It’s only a year!” you may think… But you have no idea how I feel. Have you ever woken up in the morning wishing you could change your entire life with a snap of your fingers? When you feel like things would be so much easier if you could just vanish from the entire planet? Have you ever felt like your heart was about to break into pieces and you feel no longer like a person? I feel like a zombie, I’m not living anymore, I’m slowly dying…
Which gets us to the fun part! Right now you have the power to choose my future for me! So, if I fail again at least I’ll have someone to blame for!
Just mark an X in the option you consider correct (e.g., a) FG is one miserable fuck. -- X) . You can only choose one option. Good luck!
a) FG should cut both her wrists and remain in silence as the blood spreads through the floor (and consequently die) –
b) FG should quit school for good and consider whoring herself for a living (and consequently die from a/several STD’s) –
c) FG should remain in school and throw herself to the subway line (and consequently die) –
d) FG should go back to 11th grade, tell her parents her decision, spend 3 more years in high school making friends with gipsies, bitter married women and ex-criminals (and consequently be killed by any of the mentioned above – parents included) –
e) FG is just a spoiled little brat who should just stop annoying friends with this kind of crap ‘cause people got more important things to do with their lives than having to put up with her whining, God damn it! –
Choose wisely. It may be the last time you hear from me if you mark the wrong option. Greetings.
Right now, I’m stuck and I got no available options. Well, actually I do. I can quit school and go back to 11th grade (have I mentioned I’m 18? I’m 18) and spend 3 more years studying and working my ass off in order to graduate from high school. I said 3 more years because there’s been a reformulation in our Education Programme.
I’ve successfully completed 10th grade but with this new programme, there have been changes in subjects so it’s like I failed two of them (since they weren’t available when I was in school) which means I’d have to attend two more classes and our System is so damn good that I am not even allowed to take them at the same time I’m trying to complete 11th grade. But wait! There’s more! I’m not a minor anymore, therefore I’m not forced to remain in school so logical conclusion is that if I want to study I must attend night time classes! How greater could this get? I can keep studying Banking Management and cut both my wrists in a short time notice or I can quit everything and start all over again – I don’t want to graduate from high school by the time I’m 21. It’s frustrating, it’s shameful and I really want to pursue a degree, and if I quit now it would only delay my Faculty entrance. Thing is, if I use logic, I should remain where I am but I get depressed very easily and suicidal as well. If I remain here, I’ll go mad. Seriously mad. There’s nothing I hate more than being forced to do something I loathe. It’s suffocating! I feel like a bird with no wings or like a lion in a cage (ya gotta love stupid metaphors...). There’s nothing I can do to make things better, and no matter where I turn to, I find I’m stuck and doomed to failure. I’ve been trying to hang on for two years now and I’m not sure I’ll make it through another year. “It’s only a year!” you may think… But you have no idea how I feel. Have you ever woken up in the morning wishing you could change your entire life with a snap of your fingers? When you feel like things would be so much easier if you could just vanish from the entire planet? Have you ever felt like your heart was about to break into pieces and you feel no longer like a person? I feel like a zombie, I’m not living anymore, I’m slowly dying…
Which gets us to the fun part! Right now you have the power to choose my future for me! So, if I fail again at least I’ll have someone to blame for!
Just mark an X in the option you consider correct (e.g., a) FG is one miserable fuck. -- X) . You can only choose one option. Good luck!
a) FG should cut both her wrists and remain in silence as the blood spreads through the floor (and consequently die) –
b) FG should quit school for good and consider whoring herself for a living (and consequently die from a/several STD’s) –
c) FG should remain in school and throw herself to the subway line (and consequently die) –
d) FG should go back to 11th grade, tell her parents her decision, spend 3 more years in high school making friends with gipsies, bitter married women and ex-criminals (and consequently be killed by any of the mentioned above – parents included) –
e) FG is just a spoiled little brat who should just stop annoying friends with this kind of crap ‘cause people got more important things to do with their lives than having to put up with her whining, God damn it! –
Choose wisely. It may be the last time you hear from me if you mark the wrong option. Greetings.
posted by F. at 10:51 p.m.
2 Comments:
B - i wanna be your pimp
Não demorei assim tanto tempo a lê-lo, embora preferisse n ter percebido nada! Seria mais bem mais fácil.
Mas nem sempre é nos possível escolher o caminho mais fácil, pois não?
Bom, para começar não escolheria nenhuma das opções! Porque para alem de serem demasiado dramáticas, n fazem qualquer sentido.
Talvez tivesse, para alguém k esteja a caminho d Júlio de Matos, mas não para ti, acho.
De qualquer maneira senti-me na obrigação de te dizer para abrires os olhos e veres que a vida não é assim tão dramática!
Talvez seja das poucas pessoas que sabe o quão difícil é para ti estar naquele curso. Mas foi uma escolha, boa ou má tens que a aceita. E se quiseres ainda vais muito a tempo de mudar, e não precisam de ser as mesmas que as tuas opções! Lol.
E escuta, sei que o teu “sonho” era ter entrado para faculdade aos 18 anos, mas para quê fazer disso um objectivo de vida?
Ela nem sempre corre cm desejamos, mas nós seguimos em frente!
E tu querias k a vida t corresse assim para quê?
Para t sentires realizada, para demonstrares a ti mesma que eras capaz ou para simplesmente, poderes dizer que és inteligente, que tens capacidades, que és auto-suficiente para esta vida,
sem que ninguém possa dizer o contrario!???
Para n te sentires "atrasada" em relação aos outros, pelo contrário até superior!!!
Só tu podes responder a isto, acho que sei qual é a resposta embora saiba igualmente que nunca o admitirás!
Olha amiga, é só a minha opinião, mas gostava que voltasses a ser a Flávia que eras, animada, com força de vontade e sem deixar de acreditar na vida. Já agora o teu blog tá mt fixe, mas dito por mim é suspeito, pois sbes k adoro tudo o k escreves. Um beijo... Miss ya
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